Adult Work Questions & Answers from my Reddit AMA – Part 2

Click here to watch/read part 1

Part two in a three part series! If you want to read the full AMA, including the responses of the other wonderful ladies I was answering questions with, click here.

12. My question is about kik or Skype sessions that you do. What percentage of your customers turn on their cam or send video to you, as opposed to those who just watch you more passively? Do you have a preference?

I do Kik and cam, and if I had to guess I’d say maybe 1/4 of Kik guys send pics/vids (typically slaves showing me they’ve successfully done as they’re told) and maybe 1/2 of my Skype sessions also involve the other person’s cam being on, often for the same reason.

I actually prefer being able to see them. It’s easier to give a more real/natural response to seeing them do something vs just going along with them telling me they did it. I tend not to believe them as easily if they don’t show me. =P

13. Any surprising or unexpected thing you’ve learned about yourself while creating content?

Being a bitchy Domme is extremely therapeutic. When I’m having a bad day, I love ripping into my subs. Funny enough, I have zero interest in doing so in real life, though. At all. I prefer “real men” in real life, so to speak. ;)

14. Related, anything you weren’t sure about at first, but turned out to enjoy yourself?

Most “character” role plays (naughty nurse, girl next door, etc). I always thought they were super cheesy, but if you get the right partner, they can be so much fun! I’ve had some amazingly hot role play sessions. I’ve had a few duds too, but I think it’s fair to say that no performer will ever genuinely click with every client.

15. Have you made anything that you personally think is your ‘Mona Lisa’, or does the personalized nature of much of content prevent that? I guess in other words any content that really sticks out as being something that you really nailed?

I have a handful of videos I’m really proud of. Sweet Domme, Extreme Tasks is probably one of my favorites. It was just so filthy and awesome. I also recently did a camshow role play where the guy was a rapist I drugged, tied up and castrated. I got really into the role and it was super adrenalizing.

16. Favorite toy in your arsenal?

Definitely my strapon. I love making men whimper for me.

17. How would you all answer to the negative things people say about sex industry workers? Ie, they dont respect themselves, dont they have morals etc.

I just wouldn’t. More often than not, you cannot change people’s minds, and I have better things to do than talk to a brick wall. I know I respect myself, I know I have morals, and I know I love my job. If anyone is willing to make such a bold, negative assumption about me based on… What, really? They’re probably not someone I want to bother engaging with.

18. What is your ROI (Return On Investment) on your adult industry jobs? Do you feel that you make a reasonable wage for the amount of time you put into it?

I’m very happy with my ROI, though I won’t get into numbers. I’ve set myself up in such a way that I make a lot of passive income, which covers the time I spent tweaking my website, posting on social media, taking/editing promo content, etc.

19. How has being in the adult industry changed your life (Lifestyle, personality, confidence, happiness, etc.)?

Working in this industry has affected me in a number of ways – More than I can even start to think/count. Here are the main things that come to mind, though:

It’s been a life saver for me. I’ve never really been secretive about the fact that I suffer from chronic depression, and if this were a “typical” job, I would not have lasted in it as long as I have. My job allows me to be self-sufficient while still being able to take time off as needed. I never have to worry about not having a job to go back to after depressive episodes, and going back to work actually helps pull me out of it sometimes too.

I’m much more “no bullshit” than I used to be. Standing up for myself used to be an awkward and sometimes pathetic affair, but I’ve grown a thick skin and have no problem putting my foot down when someone’s behaving disrespectfully or inappropriately.

It’s expanded my mind, sexually. I’ve always been fascinated by human sexuality and the things I’ve learned have been very eye-opening. I have discovered a personal interest in things I never even knew existed previously, and even when I come across something I’m not personally into, I still find myself intrigued and often spend time researching kinks I come across just out of curiosity.

20. I have a two part question I’ve always been curious about: how hard is it to act out a POV scene for your videos, and how much of it is improvised vs scripted? All the kudos in the world to you three (especially Faith, who if I may say so is a fantastic actress).

(Sorry, I know that last bit isn’t part of the question, but come on, everyone likes having their ego stroked sometimes…)

I find the POV stuff isn’t too difficult to act out. Just have to get into the right headspace! The tricky part is when some requests require a very specific camera angle (I’m talking, they send me links to other porn as an example) that is difficult to get right without a cameraman.

As for improvisation vs scripting, I actually offer multiple video packages based, in part, on how much of a script is involved. Heavily scripted videos require a lot more work since I spend time memorizing them beforehand. Winging it is definitely easier, but I always at least write down point-form notes first so I have an idea of how the video will go.

21. I’d like a female perspective, I’m 25 and I’m in school finishing my undergrad. I still live at home since I’m still a student and I can’t move out at the moment. Would you girls be turned off if a guy still lived at home? Thanks!

It really depends on the reason for the living situation.

If you’re either in a program that doesn’t realistically give you time to work, or you’re working on the side and contributing where you can at home (buying your own food, paying for your own transportation, phone bill etc) then I think it’s perfectly understandable and not a turn-off. I also have a friend who worked full-time while living at home, contributed while living there and socked away enough money to buy a house without ever renting in between, which was a smart financial move since renting is a sunken cost. I would have done the same as him if I thought it was an option, but I find I get along much better with my family when we don’t live together.

If you were an unemployed part-time student whose mom still did your laundry while you took no responsibility for yourself, I’d definitely find that to be unappealing.

22. Cats or dogs???

I’ve got two cats and I love them. <3 I'm not anti-dog, though.

Stay tuned for part 3!

My Value as an Adult Entertainer

Today, I had the following conversation with a “fan”:

I honestly believe many people like this don’t realize how offensive they’re being. It’s not the first time I’ve been treated this way, and it won’t be the last. What we need to do is educate these people. Here are my thoughts on how people view my value as a member of the adult entertainment industry:

Remember: The value of my time is not dictated by how much clothing I wear or how hard your dick is.

Blackmail vs. Blackmail Fantasy

I feel like this is a topic that time and time again I have had to explain to prospective clients who are seeking a blackmail experience, as well as new camgirls/Dommes who are learning about providing such a service. It’s a very simple road to navigate as long as it is done properly, but too often I see people putting themselves at risk for the sake of the thrill.

Blackmail fantasy is a very popular form of domination that I engage in on a regular basis. It is a situation in which an individual willingly provides me with personal photos or information which I then “threaten” to expose/use against them if they do not pay me/fuck themselves in the ass/send more compromising photos, etc. The specifics of each situation are tailored to the desires of the individual requesting such a session. Some people get off on the thrill of having compromising photos posted on Twitter, which are only removed once they complete a humiliating task. Others may want to be “forced” to provide a weekly tribute, with the promise that I will email their secrets to their wife or boss if they miss a payment.

The important thing to note here is that everything I do that relates to blackmail is done consensually, as part of the other person’s fantasy – Hence the term blackmail fantasy, which separates it from actual blackmail. It is essentially a form of role play – And just like any safe, consensual role play, if at any time during the fantasy the safe word gets used, the session stops. I would never truly force anyone to provide a weekly tribute, nor would I actually email anything compromising to anyone in their life. True subs follow through with their tasks and tributes out of their desire to keep the fantasy alive. The fun is in acting like I’m in charge, but truly, anything provided to me (gifts, money, information) is provided willingly, and anything compromising (secrets, pics) is kept only for reference in future sessions (“Remember when you told me about ______ last week? Imagine what would happen if I told your wife…”).

Unfortunately, choosing the safe and responsible route can come at a price for Dommes such as myself. On more than one occasion, I have had blackmail slaves and finsubs turn me away as a prospective Domme due to my use of the term “fantasy” in reference to blackmail sessions. They claim to only want the “real deal”. This is an issue for multiple reasons:

1. Chances are, if you’re asking for it, it’s not real. The whole concept of real blackmail does not involve asking to have it done to you, nor does it involve your consent or ability to stop it in any way whatsoever. This doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something real, though. I have seen the aftermath of individuals who adamantly claimed they wanted their lives to be completely destroyed by blackmail connecting with people who had no issue in actually doing so. I have never once seen the individual who asked for it not end up regretting the fact that things went that far, though. What most people seem to want is to call it real, while still actually having it be a fantasy, since calling it a fantasy can, for many, ruin the vibe. You know what, though? That’s kind of too bad, considering…

2. Real blackmail is illegal, and engaging in a blackmail session without proof that it has been acknowledged as a fantasy only by both parties leaves us liable. Anyone who offers “genuine” blackmail sessions puts themselves at risk for a lawsuit simply by stating that it is something they’ll do. After all, claiming to offer actual blackmail is admitting to a major felony. It is important for those of us “blackmailing” the individuals who ask us to do so to make it clear that it is a fantasy for this reason. No one wants to get slapped with a lawsuit because the person they “blackmailed” decided they later regretted the experience and wanted to shift the blame to the person they asked to do it.

I understand that when it comes to many fetishes, a need to intensify overtime is common. You become desensitized, so you dive into something a little crazier, or a little more dangerous. However, that does not mean you should ever expect a proper Domme to risk their own personal safety and reputation for your fetish.

To combat the fact that handling blackmail fantasies responsibly can “dull” things, I tend to work through all of the legal precautions – Proof of consent, boundaries & limitations, safe word, etc. – prior to/separately from the role play itself. Yes, I get it – It still doesn’t sound as sexy as simply diving into things and forcing someone to hand over their money/freedom/secrets etc., but as least it creates a barrier between the responsibilities of both parties to handle the fantasy in a manner that will not result in any unwanted emotional/physical/legal repercussions, and the time spent enjoying the fantasy.

Blackmail fantasy is an easy road to navigate, as long as it’s done right. Never sacrifice your safety for the thrill – It’s not worth it.

Gift Card Fees

It has been brought to my attention, both through personal experiences and through the shared stories of other sellers, that gift card fees are something that some buyers are struggling to understand, accept, and in some cases, respect.

I would like to take a moment to try to explain things so that perhaps this can stop being an issue. Please note that this is intended to educate and inform – not insult.

Convenience has a pricetag – Often because your convenience comes at someone else’s cost. When you realize you need cash, and the ATM down the street is closer to you than your bank machine, you pay an ATM fee for the convenience – Or, you forego the convenience and its fee to go further away to get your money. When you do pay the fee, it helps pay for the machine, its maintenance, and the time people dedicate to filling it, fixing it, and making it available for you to use. Contrary to the popular and rather self-righteous phrase, you are not simply “buying your own money”. You are paying for the convenience of being able to access it outside of your bank’s locations.

Convenience is not a right, it is a luxury, and it is one that comes at a price – A price most people are willing to pay without complaint, since they know that without that cost, the convenience would not exist.

Amazon and other gift cards are a convenient form of payment in this industry – They’re fast, they’re easy to send, and if you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re buying adult services by avoiding charges to the credit card you share with your wife, they’re also a safe option (especially when purchasing through gyft.com with your PayPal account).

This is all fine and dandy, and many of us are happy to offer such a convenience to you. What we would like is for you to understand that by offering this to you, it is coming at a cost to us, and for many of us, it is not a cost worth bearing, which is why we require additional compensation. After all, our prices are based on the value of our work – So if we’re not receiving what our prices reflect at the end of the day due to the cost that your convenience comes at, then we’re kind of ripping ourselves off.

The fact that we accept gift cards at all is something I feel a lot of people take for granted – After all, how would you feel if your job paid you in gift cards? I doubt anyone would prefer that over cash.

There are a few reasons that I personally charge a fee for gift cards, and while I am speaking for myself here, I can assure you that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Gift cards do not have an exact cash value. Just because you give someone a $50 gift card, doesn’t mean you’re giving them $50. You’re paying $50, but at the end of the day, the person on the other end is not always receiving that amount. Here’s a couple reasons why:

– When we have to decide between spending a gift card or spending cash on an item, the gift card will often win, since cash is reserved for things that gift cards cannot pay for, such as bills and groceries. That means that we are stuck paying shipping on something that we perhaps would have purchased in-store, had we had all cash and no gift cards at all. Perhaps we would have used the cash to pay for the same item on a different website (that we may not be able to accept gift cards for) for a lower price. This is especially a problem for international sellers. As a Canadian who primarily receives Amazon.com gift cards, the shipping fees I often face are brutal. Even when I receive Amazon.ca gift cards, shipping still sucks unless the item is covered by Amazon Prime (which is something I never would have paid for if it hadn’t been for the fact that I accept gift cards). Because of the limitations gift cards place on our ability to spend them, we lose a chunk of our earnings on otherwise avoidable costs, as well as the freedom to spend those earnings freely – For your convenience.

– When cash is needed, we trade our gift cards for Bitcoin, Squarecash, Giftrocket, E-transfers, etc. This is not something we receive exact cash value for. In order for it to be worth it for someone to take our gift cards, they’ve got to get a deal on it – Which means money out of our pocket. The money we lose by converting gift cards to cash, combined with the additional time we spend arranging those transactions, means a big loss for us – For your convenience.

Many of you might say, “Then don’t accept gift cards!”. Sure. We’ve done that. But many of us have lost more sales by not accepting gift cards at all, than we have by charging a fee – And many of you have chosen only to pay with gift cards, which means that if we don’t accept them, you’ve got a much smaller selection of people to play with and purchase from.

If you insist on paying via gift card, please check to see if there is a fee prior to discussing your transaction with a seller, and be ready to accept the fact that there likely will be one. Most of us are very upfront about our fees, and often have them mentioned on our websites, in our ads, and on our subreddits. If you can’t find the information listed anywhere, ask about it before diving into the details of your request. This saves both of us from wasting time by discussing all of the nitty gritty, only for you to back out the moment the total is calculated.

If you cannot find a seller you like who doesn’t charge a gift card fee, and the fee is still totally unacceptable to you, please consider using other payment methods. Bitcoin is a huge favourite for many sellers, and once the initial set-up has been completed, is extremely simple to use. It is also a very fast and secure payment method that allows you to connect to a credit card OR bank account. This payment method allows the same convenience and ease as gift cards, is internationally usable, and does not come at a cost to the person you’re paying. Bitcoin may charge for the transaction, but that cost is typically $1 or less.

If a seller charges a fee for gift cards, please understand that it is for a reason. Asking a seller to waive the fee simply because you do not like it, essentially says “I want you to pay for my convenience”, whether that is your intention or not. Insisting on using a gift card while refusing to pay a fee shows a lack of respect for the value of our time. If you do not want to pay a fee, find sellers that don’t charge them, and use payment methods that do not require them.

For more information on payment methods that I personally accept, please check out my Payment Options page. I have written up short descriptions of each available payment method, and have provided useful links for you to follow, should you choose to learn more about them.

Hate mail

It amazes me to see how awful people are capable of being when they have the ability to hide behind their computers. It’s important to remember that the people you are attacking are still just that – people, and while in some twisted way you may feel better about yourself by putting others down, you need to remember that the effects these insults can have on others can still resonate with them in real life. Anyone who believes it is okay to treat anyone in such a manner does not deserve respect. To the ladies (and gentlemen) who are victim to such attacks, please try and remember that these rude gestures say a lot more about the people sending them than they do about you. Stay strong and don’t let people who are full of hate shut the light out of your own life. Oh, and if you find porn stars/adult entertainers disgusting, dislike them, or disagree with what they choose to do with their bodies, I have a simple solution for you: Don’t watch porn!
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